I would just like to take a moment to consider the irony of having named this blog "Unpacking the Chatterbox" and then barely ever posting in it.

Thank you.

Job Hunters Supernatural?

So, while digging through Craigslist for job listings, I discovered the following request:

A quick tip, guys! Unless your criteria for potential employees really starts and ends with "is healthy, preferably alive" (the opposite of ghost writers, perhaps?), you might want to look into a little punctuation. Although the second instance of the phrase, which utilizes a hyphen, is a good step forward, you should really go the whole hog and put some quotation marks in there! Hyphenation is excellent for clarifying modifiers that come in pairs or phrases (example: man-eating porcupine, in which "man-eating" describes the porcupine itself; "man eating porcupine", on the other hand, would refer to a man who is eating a porcupine, which is the opposite of what you want). In this case, however, it still leaves too much open for interpretation. "Healthy-living writer"? Still reads like looking for someone to take over your un-undead word-making needs! "Healthy Living" Writer, on the other hand, finally clarifies things. You're not asking for a writer who is healthy and living, you're asking for someone to write about healthy living. You could also achieve close to the same effect by capitalizing them without quotation marks, but that's a title where everything is capitalized. So no dice there.

So remember, folks: a little punctuation can make the difference between asking for a writer specializing in healthy living and getting a nasty call from your local branch of the Undead People's Advocate office.

Also, I am open to all freelance-writing job offers and can provide proof of pulse.

How Many, Many Feet You Meet!

Rob Liefeld would like you to know that you are no longer allowed to make fun of his feet because his are the bestest best feet ever.

Sure, Rob! Just two questions:

He did get one thing right. I am confused. Why does he still have a job?

Sinister Erucations From a Sexy Diary Ope-Tech

Seeing as how I've spent the majority of my time on this blog trying to figure out what to call it, it seems only just and fair that the first post should be about: what to call a blog.

The traditional method, of course, is to spend an ungodly amount of time lovingly creating a list of your favorite titles, from the predictable (Mutterings of the Purple People-Eater¹) to the utterly ingenious² before paring it down, word by word, to your absolute favorites, the most amazingly perfect choices for you and your excruciatingly brilliant, mind-blowing blog. Then, trembling with anticipation, you transcribe your beautiful title to the blogging website of your choice and find... It's already taken. Along with all your other options, even down to the very lowest of your list (Mutterings of the Purple People-Eaten). The only choice left available to you is PurplePeopleEater2019. A sad day in internet history.

But no longer! In seeking out my own perfect, amazing, intellectually stimulating³ title, I have had the chance to peruse several random blog name generators, and for your information will explain a few of them here.


The first on the list is the Weblog Name Generator at Gzzt. This helpful little gem has two options, funky and formal. From this, it fits together two painstakingly-selected words to create your ideal blog title. Or, at least, a blog title. Mostly.

Examples of "Funky" Titles:
Sexy Diary
Skinny Loft
Baby Reviews
Vivacious Thoughts
Purple Updates

Examples of "Formal" Titles:
Autumn Apartment
Teacher's Column
Legal Visions
Truth Office

Excellent choices, naturally, even if "Sexy Diary" comes off a bit blunt (and you can't help but wonder if the Legal Visions are inspired by a little more high than higher learning).


The second is the Domain Name Generator. It creates semi-nonsense words and phrases to model your blog after. Don't ask what they mean, just use them! Sale ends TODAY! GO GO GO!
A short list of the kinds of treasures that await you:

zoohigh

indigogreen

joy-lab

Bluejob

Superity

Unocode

Keytone

Driptrax

We here at the Joy Lab^TM would like to remind you to use caution when utilizing this generator. All it takes is one drunken session on the internet with an e-mail address and an itch to shout at the world and suddenly you're the owner of "Uno Code", a horrifying conspiracy tabloid centered on card games. So many have fallen already.


If your tastes run more to the saccharine adorable, then you might be interested in the Ultimate Design-Blog Name Generator! Its patented technologies are guaranteed to give you a name even a spider wouldn't hesitate to barf at⁴. Examples include:

a-precious-girl.com
my-loving-thing.typepad.com
thy-inspired-palate.blogspot.com
the-perfect-nest.com

Madame Stewart would be so proud.


The last generator has everything you could want. Multi-word titles. Repeated use of prepositions. Multiple adjectives! It is... the Random Desi Blog Title Generator! Yes, this one sure does have it all. Options include:

Shallow Scribbles of a Reformed Geek
Idle Meanderings of a Deranged Aging Rock Star
Insipid Pearls Scattered by a Pissed-Off Bollywood Extra
Shallow Ramblings of a Clueless Culinary School Drop-Out
Mad Reflections of a Glue-Sniffing Shiv Sainik⁵


So those are your options! We here at the Truth Office⁶ hope you've learned as much as we have on this journey of wonder and discovery, and perhaps have even come to a better understanding of the kind of generous advice that the internet will extend to you, the fledgeling blogger, in your first few steps towards internet publishing.

Maybe you should reconsider PurplePeopleEater2019

¹ Not actual name. I hope. (Please don't eat me.)

²Unable to provide specific example due to slight chance of unseemly intellectual orgasming.

³Hey now! I'm watching those synapses.

⁴ An excellent strategy for those pesky arachnid infestations.

⁵ Admit it. You'd read that one.

⁶ Also "Insatiable Sepia-Mutiny-Lurker".